Saturday, November 19, 2005

Today’s thoughts on terrorism (For mature audiences only)

After half a dozen emails fired back and forth with Zarqawi. I received an enigmatic package in the mail yesterday. It was beaten, battered, and covered in dirt. Inside hundreds of worn pages written in an ancient tongue. The title read “The hitchhikers Guide to Terrorism

I enlisted the help of all the people that I know, and came in contact with many others intent on deciphering the secret as well. There were moments where we sincerely doubted we’d be able to figure it out, there were moments of chronic laughter, and others filled with fear (especially when we went looking for a book in the attic and came across a spider). But alas, before long, the ancient tongue was deciphered. The commandments read:

“Thou shalt not watch the tube” Or take notice of the false ceiling at the wedding and realize false ceilings do not kill 30 human beings.

“Thou shalt not take notice of word-of-mouth epidemic” Or realize that Amman is a small community where everyone knows everyone, or at least know someone who knows someone; that facts are hardly obtained from the media, and that altering the truth won’t help. “Thou shalt belittle the IBF (Israel & Bush Factor)” And neglect the fact that Israel would have loved to cry forever about its casualties, and that Bush needs every reason to justify keeping his troops in the Middle East. (Play Contemplative Sound Track Here) I don’t know about you, but I hate missing 24 and I’m not willing to give up my TV rights or my brain just yet. So, I guess I’ll just hang out here and smoke some pot, and leave terrorism to some lunatic determined on disrupting lives of hundreds maybe thousands of innocent civilians.


  1. This is fiction, no actual emails were exchanged with anyone, well aside from porno webmasters who are so intent on ripping me off! But you disregarded the “for mature audiences only” warning didn’t you?
  2. I personally hate spiders; they just give me the willies. No spiders were hurt in this production… No tree/animal huggers on my back please, thank you
  3. I have no contemplative soundtracks.


Yazan Malakha said...

yes yes, i'm an arsehole.. i already know that. thank you for leaving a line.

Lina said...

i'm not in a very eloquent mood to leave a thought-out comment, but I just wanted to say Cheers!

Roba said...

Haha, good points. I myself was thinking "Meen 3am bistahbelo?" when I heard the tape. And like you said, it not only was it a false cieling, it was also something a lot of witnesses got to see! Word of mouth as precisely you have said...
AHHHHHH! And you know what pisses me off even more? I'm quite sure there will be people idiot enough to believe their stupid claims, and perhaps even accept this stupid and much rediculous package of theirs. AHHHH!

Yazan Malakha said...

WOW didn't expect positive comments. cheers!

I should mention that bombs do not explode downwards as Zarqawi claims... if a bomb is powerful enough it would damage the ceiling not the floor of the room it's in. So that pretty much rules out his claim of the bomb being detonated in on a different floor as I understood.