After half a dozen emails fired back and forth with Zarqawi. I received an enigmatic package in the mail yesterday. It was beaten, battered, and covered in dirt. Inside hundreds of worn pages written in an ancient tongue. The title read “The hitchhikers Guide to Terrorism”
I enlisted the help of all the people that I know, and came in contact with many others intent on deciphering the secret as well. There were moments where we sincerely doubted we’d be able to figure it out, there were moments of chronic laughter, and others filled with fear (especially when we went looking for a book in the attic and came across a spider). But alas, before long, the ancient tongue was deciphered. The commandments read:
“Thou shalt not watch the tube” Or take notice of the false ceiling at the wedding and realize false ceilings do not kill 30 human beings.
“Thou shalt not take notice of word-of-mouth epidemic” Or realize that Amman is a small community where everyone knows everyone, or at least know someone who knows someone; that facts are hardly obtained from the media, and that altering the truth won’t help. “Thou shalt belittle the IBF (Israel & Bush Factor)” And neglect the fact that Israel would have loved to cry forever about its casualties, and that Bush needs every reason to justify keeping his troops in the Middle East. (Play Contemplative Sound Track Here) I don’t know about you, but I hate missing 24 and I’m not willing to give up my TV rights or my brain just yet. So, I guess I’ll just hang out here and smoke some pot, and leave terrorism to some lunatic determined on disrupting lives of hundreds maybe thousands of innocent civilians.
- This is fiction, no actual emails were exchanged with anyone, well aside from porno webmasters who are so intent on ripping me off! But you disregarded the “for mature audiences only” warning didn’t you?
- I personally hate spiders; they just give me the willies. No spiders were hurt in this production… No tree/animal huggers on my back please, thank you
- I have no contemplative soundtracks.